Healing

Before this week, it had been ten years since Jake had been here but from the outside, nothing had changed. The road was the same, the adjacent houses were the same and despite all that had happened since his time here, the memories remained the same. Walking up to the front door, he could have been a boy again arriving home from school. The same deep anxiety was still there conditioned within him. Time travel really does exist, he thought.

​

As he stood facing the front door, his heart rate increasing, his palms slick with that all too familiar perspiration. Jake knew the monster wasn’t there. It was gone and so now were all its possessions. The last few days of work clearing it were amongst the hardest of his life, but it was done now and after today, he would never have to be here again.

​

“The last time”, he reminded himself, then put the key in the lock and turned it. As the door opened, the faint smell of dust and old cigarette smoke hit him as it had done every time he’d had to come here over the past week, bringing the past flooding back to him again. He knew it was coming but it still stopped him at the threshold momentarily. Taking a moment, he closed his eyes. “The last time, then no more”, he said out loud, and entered.

​

The house was empty now, but it felt the same to him as it always had. He’d spent the last week clearing it of all its contents. It was Sam’s idea that he come back here again. This time though, she waited outside in the car for him as this is something he needed to do alone. Since he got the call, the call that confirmed the monster was finally gone, he’d been largely on autopilot. The first reaction was surprise. Since he had cut ties, all those years ago, he had no idea he would still be mentioned in the will, let alone be the sole executor. It would seem, he would have to take care of the formalities. The monster forcing its goodbye on him. Dispassionately, he arranged the funeral, nobody apart from himself and Sam were there. Afterwards, financial matters had to be settled. Even as he directed the house clearance, as items and furniture he knew from childhood were removed and disposed of, he didn’t allow himself to really see it. Time just passed and he watched it as if he was watching traffic.

​

This time was different through, it had to be. Too much of his life had remained here. The monster still had him, and it was time, if possible, to release its grip. He went to his old room. It was automatic. It was just what he did when he came home. It was his old refuge; he knew he’d find himself here. He opened the door to the now empty room and stood on the patch of flooring next where his old bed used to be. He looked silently at the wall opposite for a while then closed his eyes and took some deep breaths. This is what he was here to do.

He could see it all now. It was always quite a bare room. Growing up, he’d never had many toys apart from a few old things and books he was bought when he was much younger. He’d always cherished them all growing up though as there was little else to attach himself to. Jake looked down at the bed and saw him. A boy in basic clothes, maybe seven or eight years old. He didn’t show any emotion as he looked straight ahead.

​

“Hi” he said kindly to the boy. “Sorry it took me so long, but I’m here now”. He sat and put his arm caringly around the boy’s shoulders. They sat for a while in silence. Holding the boy tight, he continued.

 

“I’m here to tell you how proud I am of you. You’ve done so well. I know the pain and loneliness you’re feeling in this room, this house, but I want to tell you all about how things work out”

 

Keeping his arms around him, he felt the boy hold tightly, He wanted to make sure this boy would always know this feeling, this security.

 

“When you’re older, you will escape this place. You’ll find the strength to run and to never return. You’ll learn that the world is not as bad as it seems now, and you’ll meet some wonderful people. Your life does not start and end in this house. Some days it will be hard, and you’ll find yourself back in this room, reliving these times but it won’t last. I can tell you this for certain because you’ll meet a person who will surround you in so much love that it’ll push the monster further and further away each day. You’ll show your own children what things could have been. What they should have been. This place will not hold you anymore.”

 

There was so much more Jake wanted to say to him, to reassure him, to let him know he’s loved. He wanted him to feel as safe and secure as Sam made him feel.

 

Suddenly having an idea, he said to the boy “You know what? Why don’t you meet her?”. The boy looked up then and with a tentative smile, nodded.

 

“Great! You’ll love her, I promise!”

​

Pulling out his phone, Jake dialled Sam’s number.

 

“Hey, is everything ok?”

“Yes, would you mind coming in? We’re upstairs.”

“We?”

 

He ended the call and waited. A few moments later, he heard the front door open.

 

“Up here!” he called. Before Sam entered the room, Jake looked at the boy one more time.

 

“This is for you” he said softly. “For being so strong. I think it’s time we built a new memory of this room”.

 

Sam pushed the door and tentatively entered the room, looking confused and a little concerned. She’d never been in this house before and knew the effect it has had on Jake; he rarely spoke about it and she could feel the heaviness in the house.

 

“Hey Sam, do you remember our first dance?”

 

Still looking confused, she answered, “Of course.”

 

“Well, I think we need to recreate it.”

“What, here? Now?”

“Yeah, I want to remember this place differently.”

 

Sam looked at Jake and could see a change in him. She saw less of the fear and the vulnerability she’d been seeing in him over the past few weeks. She understood.

 

“Of course, I’d love that”.

​

Jake placed his phone on the floor in the middle of the room and pressed the play button. The opening notes of the song that meant so much to them begun to play and they stepped towards each other.

They danced together in silence, holding each other tightly. When the song was over, Jake looked at Sam and

said quietly “let’s go home”.